Messy Faith

Long, Slow Road to an Open Heart

Has anybody noticed anything missing from my blog lately? No, don't search the sidebar. I mean, in my words. It's God. Literally. I stopped writing about God. I decided, with the New Year, to stop writing in this space about my Christian faith. I decided to do that sort of thing in other places, and in this place to just be secular. You know, secular. Like my ebook, Unleash Your Wild. Right? Don't you think I look good secular? It's sort of appealing. It's like an old, familiar look. I've been trying it on like a dress from the back [...]

By |February 17th, 2014|Messy Faith|43 Comments

Why This Year’s One Word Resolution Makes Me Feel Sick to My Stomach

It's January 6. It's epiphany. It's time. I know the word that will be my one-word resolution for 2014. I've known it for a week. The only trouble is, it makes me feel a little bit like I'm going to throw up. Sometimes it's like that, don't you know? When you have a word or a mission or a call that falls on you? You know what I mean. When it is something that you know you need to do, and you know you want to do, but it also terrifies you. This year my word is like that. I got the [...]

By |January 6th, 2014|Messy Faith|27 Comments

Why I Do (and Don’t) Pray for Miraculous Healing

Because there is a man, whose daughter is sick, who tells himself that he didn't pray hard enough. That if he had only prayed harder or fasted better, his daughter would be well. Because there is a woman, who calls her suffering by the name “God’s Will.” Because there is a child who could be helped by medicine, or therapy, who isn’t getting help. Because there is a black family racked by the prosperity gospel. Because there is a gay man asking God to be changed. Because the depth of our dysfunction is a secret and we pray behind closed [...]

By |December 8th, 2013|Messy Faith|28 Comments

Song For a Rebellion Against Fear

I don't want to be afraid anymore. Not of wild animals or old white men. Not of being too small or too big or too rough or too boring. Not of growing old. Or coming late. Or being unwanted. I don't want to be afraid of anything. At all. Ever. I don't want to take this beautiful world strained and mashed up like baby food. Today I am saying yes. Today I am lifting up my hands and my eyes And shouting Yes, world! yes, God! yes! I will take it. I will take it all. Even the fast and [...]

By |November 12th, 2013|Messy Faith|6 Comments

When You Were On Fire

Speaking of writers helping other writers, it’s been far too long since I have mentioned Addie Zierman!! She’s one of my favorites ever ever, and her memoir When We Were on Fire is officially out as of Tuesday. No surprise, but it is getting rave reviews. Wow, Addie!! We are so proud of you!! Addie is celebrating and publicizing this week with a synchroblog, the same title as her memoir, #WWWoF for short. She has invited her friends and readers to tell their own stories of the days when they were on fire for Jesus. Trouble is, I didn't have any [...]

By |October 17th, 2013|Messy Faith|42 Comments

I Am From (SheLoves Synchroblog)

You guys, this synchroblog, hosted by SheLoves Magazine, Is. So. Good. I could read them all day. And actually, you CAN read them all day, or all weekend, because there are more than eighty of them. I am late to join, for reasons that are best understood by every word written below. Also, I didn't follow the rules, at all. For reasons that are best understood by every word written below. (Ha!) But here I am. And so are you. Now, even better than reading all these poems, would be for you to write your own. Yes, you. I do [...]

By |September 27th, 2013|Messy Faith|7 Comments

Dark of the Moon

So now we have a cougar. Maybe we always had a cougar. Today I am giving thanks to the black bear, that I could see, for warning me away from the cougar, that I couldn’t see. The hunter was wearing his gun on his back when he came down to tell us. I said, “I guess it’s hunting season.” He said, “Well, it’s predator season.” Note taken. I am learning this, and adding it to my kindergarten understanding of the seasons. Fall is a time for the beauty of leaves dying, sure. Fall is a time to chop the wood, [...]

By |September 23rd, 2013|Messy Faith|10 Comments

Blessing for the Weary

Blessed is the empty vessel, even cracked to let the light in. And blessed is this vigil into darkness, when we know our mortality and cry out for our deliverance.

By |September 9th, 2013|Messy Faith|12 Comments


I didn't finish the conversation about guilt. This message, that it's okay to seek stillness and wandering, that is okay to be the water in the creek, even falling downhill -- this message is so lost that it needs its own blog post. It needs its own Twitter account. It needs a think tank in Washington DC.   I want to shout this. REST! It is okay to rest! It is okay to be still! The yearning to be fully a part of this beautiful mess is not fatal to anything except the shell...which doesn't really protect you anyway.   [...]

By |July 27th, 2013|Messy Faith|6 Comments

Why the Buddha Turned His Hand to the Earth

“But what about the guilt?” A friend just asked me this. I had to snort at the computer screen, because this keeps happening to me, that somebody who reads my writing will just up and ask me about whatever it is that I least feel like talking about. Guilt. I took a very sweet and much needed break this week. No air conditioning. No wall to wall carpet. No social networking. Very little anything but the rhythm of dawn and dusk and the wild and the creatures that I feed. Mind you, this was not a break from work; not hardly. [...]

By |July 25th, 2013|Messy Faith|7 Comments

Apocalypse Now

I am not a survivalist. Or a prepper. It seems like these things would go together, for a lady up in the Idaho hills. I'd be off the grid, and I'd have a bunch of guns, and I'd be getting ready. Well. The guns thing is a question for another day -- more complicated than it sounds. But I am not preparing for the end. I have to state it like this, in terms of resistance to that model, because that model is pervasive. At least out here, in these Idaho hills. Maybe in order for people to do the [...]

By |July 1st, 2013|Messy Faith|14 Comments

The Really Scary Thing About Gay Marriage

I want to tell the truth about the fear. This truth, that the really scary thing is not gay kids or even gay parents, and certainly not beautiful couples wearing their best clothes and swearing their lives to one another. It's just the same thing we were always afraid of, which is our own dark selves. And our confusion, and the likelihood of being wrong, and that in all the dust and smoke we'll lose our way.

By |June 27th, 2013|Messy Faith|29 Comments